she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
