My friends, they love my intelligence
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
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I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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