I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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