no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
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