you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize