don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize