this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
