Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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