Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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