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i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
