Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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