You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.