it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.