if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked