sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect