I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants