We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize