he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
