maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize
