Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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