Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
