Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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