today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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