google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
