i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
i now understand why vodka
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
