the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
