I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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