yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
