true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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