I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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