Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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