your parents love me but you hate me
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
