Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
