I'm eating all of the evidence.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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