Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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