I am puke
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Randomize
