I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Randomize
