My friends, they love my intelligence
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
