Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Randomize
