Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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