I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
