those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
