Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
