i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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