I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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