where am i from again
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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