the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
