just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
