it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
