I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
