i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize