my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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