I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
