I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
