She's like a pop up book from hell.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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