Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Randomize
