Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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