Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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