If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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