Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
