is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
