Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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