I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Randomize
