I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
