He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
