What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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