Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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