her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
