you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm always down for nudity.
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