I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
